two steps forward, one step back...

I'm starting to feel like I'm doing a little dance. Two steps forward, one step back, you know the one.

I put on my (ancient) dancing shoes and.....

I saw my new doctor on Friday. He seems very nice. What a relief.

He thinks I might be anemic again.  Blood test done, awaiting results of that, full blood panel and thyroid function test, which is due again around now.  I'm  hoping that somewhere in these test results will be some clue as to what to do next... Less thyroxine? More? Iron tablets? Something else?

Because I'm tired, so tired, again. And it feels like I've felt like this a lot of this year which is passing me by in a bit of a blur. It's now October 2013. I was diagnosed August 2009.

My old doctor said that quite often people with hypothyroidism do not find their symptoms go away after diagnosis. She apologised that I had been told I could expect to feel well once treatment is optimised, she said the sad truth is that may not happen.

Well she's in the blummin bin as far as I'm concerned.  I won't be seeing her again, not because she said that but for all the other reasons already shared in previous posts. But I can't help but wonder if perhaps she was speaking the truth there. Is there perhaps not going to be a return to "full health". Do I just have to accept that my energy levels and cognitive function will be for ever a bit under par now?  Or was her saying that, just one more sign that she is in fact an uncaring and unsympathetic GP who does not take enough care of patients with chronic health challenges and I am better off not having her as my doctor anymore, because she is clearly not going to be much use to me with an attitude like that?

I have no idea.

I got an email from one of my fellow BTF London Group volunteers today. She said "the more I know the more I realise I don't know". Her and me both.

The Scottish Thyroid Petition ladies seem to be making some progress getting the Scottish Parliament to take some notice of the plight of those thyroid patients who are not easily returned to good health.  I'm impressed with their energy and tenacity, still have not got my head round all the science they are putting forward. I find it complicated. Still I feel their efforts are helping raise awareness amongst policy makers and health professionals and I think that's a good thing.

BTF also appear to be making progress with their hypothyroid care strategy project and I must speak to the lady leading that soon, to see  how/if I can help. Their approach sounds thorough and promising.

Our next London Group event is in a couple of weeks. There's a load of stuff to do to prepare for it. We haven't yet planned any events for 2014. I'm wondering if I really want to continue after the November meeting. I value the group but there's so much involved in making it happen. I wonder if I should be shifting my focus.

I was invited to speak on a panel at an event for Doctors developing their use of information technology. I had to decline. It was the Saturday after the above event. I will likely be tired. I need to take care of me. A shame though. I'd have liked to have participated. But I can't do everything.  I have to accept that.

I've had two long calls with people this week with tricky thyroid related health challenges and while I was able to help a bit by chatting to them and sharing my experiences I felt a bit overwhelmed with the responsibility and in both cases they sounded like  they really needed specialist help from an endocrinologist which they are struggling to get on the NHS. I feel a bit like Canute in the face of the ocean. So many people who need help and support and seemingly so little structure in our healthcare system to provide it things do not go as they perhaps should at GP level.

Hey ho.

I did manage to go dancing this week, that was fun. I was invited to a lovely charity do for Children in Need, because I'm managing a fundraising partnership that will hopefully raise a lot of money for them and some other good causes next year. It was inspiring to hear about some of the work they are doing, there were lots of great acts, a lovely dinner and thanks to a coffee and two chocolate truffles at the end of the meal I had energy to dance to Billy Ocean who sounded as fresh and upbeat as ever at the end of the night! A thoroughly uplifting evening.

So I guess I'm pondering my options at the moment.  Wondering what my next steps will be on this fascinating journey I'm on.  Lots to think about, meanwhile I keep dancing.

Billy Ocean, Pudsey Bear, Children in Need, Evening with the Stars, 2013